I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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