Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize