he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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