So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
