quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
