you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
