I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
