I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
