Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
