Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
