she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
