It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
