i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There r osticjed everywhere
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
