dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
