I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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