its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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