i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
