So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
