found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
