I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
