My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
