Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
