Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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