What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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