I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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