She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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