my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize