Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
