i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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