doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
