I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
A+ Viking dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
