I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
