He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
