I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
