He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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