I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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