FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
