She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
