my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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