You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
