I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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