I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
