fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
