there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
