she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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