I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
