Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
