Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
