I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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