I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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