we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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