May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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