i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
