I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need a burrito and a hug.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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