I hope mine doesn't look like that
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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