I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's blow job season.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
