You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize