im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
