dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
