I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
