Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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