dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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