My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
