her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
