I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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