i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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