I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize