Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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