Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
