You made me cry and you don't even care
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize