I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
