Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
