The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
