Who wears a wallet chain?!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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