I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
