Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
