I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
